As I was driving to the gym this afternoon, a car drove past me with this license plate: NOAHMNDY It reminded me that this year marks the 4000th anniversary of the day that Noah and his stalwart band of mouse … Continue reading →
In goat news, scientists announce that they had finally found the answer to one of nature’s greatest unsolved mysteries: what’s the deal with all the goats? A new paper from the University of Tokyo’s College of Goat-Arousal explains that a … Continue reading →
In minor milestone news, NASA announced that for the first time it has successfully landed a spacecraft on the planet Earth. The lander, named Morpheus after the Greek god of colored pills, touched down yesterday at the Martian Environment Mockup facility near … Continue reading →
In galactic hegemony news, NASA is reporting that 715 newfound planets have been annexed by the Kepler Space Telescope. The Kepler Empire, which stretches from Earth orbit to the cosmic microwave background, is divided into two classes: validated exoplanets (all … Continue reading →
As I was driving into work this morning, I passed one of those blinking orange signs they put up to signal road construction or lane closures ahead. This particular sign announced the following:
HYDRANT FLUSHING AHEAD
CAUTION: WET ROAD
(Disclaimer: The sign might have said “Caution: Wet Road Hydrant Flushing Ahead”.)
For those who have never witnessed this majestic sight, a “hydrant flushing” occurs when city planners open a fire hydrant and let water run out of it for an hour or so.
So the rest of the way to work, I found myself contemplating this awesome experience:
It was 35° this morning as I drove to work. Nothing screams “traffic safety” quite like dumping water on the street during rush hour on a freezing cold day.
The main function of flushing a fire hydrant is to irrigate children in New York City during the summer months (as seen on TV).* North Carolina is currently experiencing a slowdown in local production of unirrigated New York City summer children, which would seem to reduce the demand for hydrant flushing.
No water was actually flushed in the making of this drive to work, as there were no fire hydrants anywhere in sight.
I hope your morning commute was as fruitful.
* Hydrants are rumored to also have some fire-related purpose. These stories are apocryphal, and I have never seen this happen in real life.
In recycling news, residents in the state of Indiana are benefiting from a new program that recycles used tornado warnings on sunny days with no severe weather in sight. A National Weather Service spokesman explained, “One of the big challenges … Continue reading →
In unearthly news, a deceased actor is changing the face of internet communications. Tor Johnson has been making it easier and easier to anonymously browse the web. But now, the man who oxymoronically bills himself as “the biggest name in … Continue reading →
In catpitalism news, Britain’s first cat café, where felines can enjoy a saucer of warm milk in the company of several humans, officially opened its doors this week. The café, Lady Dinah’s Cat Emporium in London’s fashionable Tabby District, is … Continue reading →
In prehistoric gemology news, scientists have dug up some old costume jewelry. A fragment of zircon in the shape of a space dinosaur toenail (pictured above) was found on a sheep ranch in western Australia. The discoverer claims it to be 4.4 billion … Continue reading →
In temporal retirement news, a time-traveling space photographer has been put out to pasture. After hunting for the earliest clues about the evolution of the universe for more than four years, Europe’s Planck Space Observatory has gone to that big … Continue reading →