Yesterday I was in a meeting on the floor below mine. As I was leaving, I noticed a sign someone had printed out and posted near the elevators:
Please Be Mature
Do not take others office chairs
Over the last 24 hours, I’ve been trying to think of a time in my life where I stole chairs because of a lack of maturity. I have younger siblings, whose raison d’etre is to torment and be tormented. I can’t remember a time where I went into a room, found my chair to be missing, and responded, “Oh, grow up!” Besides, without chairs, where would the truly juvenile among us put Whoopie Cushions?
As I’ve observed before, engineers are a curious breed. My best guess is that there is a giant, undeclared game of musical chairs going on downstairs, and every time the music starts, HR takes one chair out of the building. At the end of the quarter, whoever is still standing gets laid off. (Note: I would support this policy. If you can’t figure out how to stay seated, you’re probably not smart enough to work here.)
I am reminded of the words of two great writers. In 1st Corinthians, Paul wrote “When I was young, I thought as a child, I spoke as a child, I reasoned as a child. When I became a man, I quit stealing the other apostle’s chairs. Especially Peter’s, which is made of fine Corinthian leather.” (Disclaimer: I’m not near a Bible right now, so I’m quoting from memory.) And Rudyard Kipling once wrote, “If you can keep your chair when those around you are losing theirs and blaming you, um… you’re a better man than I, Gunga Din!” (Disclaimer: I’m not near the works of Rudyard Kipling either, but I’m pretty sure there were some nice chairs on his ruby yacht.)
Editor’s Note: Since this is happening on the floor below my cubicle, I would like to say that I am above this sort of thing. But I’m not going to, because that would be an unthinkably bad pun, and you, the reader, deserve better.. You’re welcome.