Trinken Sie Ihre Ovaltine

Trinken Sie Ihre Ovaltine

I took the train home to 1974 for Christmas a couple times. Train travel is a lot like taxiing on the runway for 14 hours to get to a destination one hour away once the plane takes off. The only memory I have of train travel is the elderly couple sitting behind me who did not stop talking the entire trip. And by this I do not mean engaged in conversation. Their dialogue seemed to the untrained observer (Disclaimer: I am not trained in the observation and interpretation of old people conversation.) to be a stream of syllables aimed at each other.

“…That tree looks like the one in Carol’s yard… I got a phone call from Carol… Did you remember to turn on the answering machine?… I can never remember how to do that… I can’t remember what we had for lunch yesterday… I’m glad I mowed the lawn yesterday before it rained… Carol said it was raining when I talked to her yesterday…”

In computer networks, this is referred to as a “keepalive” message. Its sole purpose is to determine that the connection is present. As far as I can tell, these two people were sending a stream of keepalive messages at each other to determine that the other one was still alive.

Meanwhile, in mind control news, Sky Deutschland is pilot testing a new technology which will beam advertisements directly into train passengers’ heads. As the press video explains, “Suddenly a voice inside their head is talking to them. No one else can hear this message.”

A few thoughts:

1) People often complain about the “slippery slope” of benign technologies being subverted to evil purposes. It’s nice to see a technology start out so malevolent that all future subversions will be wonderful by comparison.

Conspiracy theorist: The monkey overlords are using this technology to control our thoughts and make us subservient to their will!
General public: Oh thank God! Every morning for two years I’ve had to be sure to drink my Ovaltine! Long live the monkey overlords!

2) What if you already hear voices in your head? It’s rude to interrupt other people’s conversations.

3) I see a big business opportunity for frequent travelers to get noise-cancelling lobotomies.

4) BBDO spokesman Ulf Brychcy said, “Some people don’t like advertising in general. But this is really a new technology.” In Germany, the word “but” is used to separate two parts of a non sequitur.

5) Early beta testing of the technology has show a 70% success rate in teaching passengers traveling between Cologne and Dusseldorf how to pronounce “Brychcy”.

In summary: STOP TEACHING TRAINS TO BROADCAST ADS INTO OUR BRAINS!  This never works out well for humanity.

(Click on the picture to read the original article.)

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