One of the things wrong with modern education is that we are losing the legends and lore of earlier times. I’ve written before about a friend of mine who thinks Dark Side of the Moon might be a book.
This came back to me this morning when I was at Barnes & Noble. There was a rack of notebooks (Kids, notebooks are like small iPads, only you can’t watch movies on them and the batteries last longer — ask your parents) for sale, but nobody seemed to be interested. I took the above picture of the sign (pictured above) as I realized that the problem was that kids today don’t understand the cultural significance of Moleskine Legendary Notebooks, because they never learned the legend of Moleskine in school.
I decided that since no one else will do it, I would step forward and help further the education of today’s youth. Gather around, kiddies, as I tell you of the Legend of Moleskine.
The Legend of the Mole’s Kine
Many years ago, on a bright, sunshiny day in Genesis, God came to Noah and said to him, “The people of Earth have been wicked, and I’ve decided to wash their planet out with soap. I need you to build an ark, grab two of everything that drowns, and go on a cruise for six or seven weeks until everything dries out.”
“OK, Lord,” replied Noah, but I’ve never built a cruise ship before. Any hints?”
“Sure. Use this.” said God, handing Noah a copy of “Ark Building for Dummies” (Gen 6:14-16) “But you better get started! I’ve got to get ten different species of fat-tailed mouse opossums to pick up for you from South America before the rain starts.” And with that God departed from Noah, who started reading, while wondering why the world needed ten different species of fat-tailed mouse opossums. (Opossi?)
Meanwhile, in a nearby subterranean tunnel, a young Mole People couple couldn’t help but overhear Noah’s discussion. The Mole People had been around for thousands of years, and spent most of their time heating up the earth’s core with their SUV’s and the flatulence of their Mole Cows. Bob, the Mole Man, said it served humanity right, what with them constantly lording it over the Mole People with their sunlight and their fresh air. But Sally the Mole Woman saw it differently. She knew that once God was done washing away humanity, all that water would seep into the ground, flooding their mole civilization.
So Bob and Sally approached Noah, who was trying to figure out what a cubit was, and making notations in a little book. Sally asked Noah if they could come along. “It’ll be crowded, but what the heck. I never liked my wife’s sister and her husband anyway.”
“But what about our kine?” asked Bob.
“Your what?” asked Noah.
“Our kine. You know, the plural of cows.” Noah gazed at him suspiciously. “It’s a word!” protested Bob, pointing at the book in Noah’s hand. “Look it up in your dictionary there!”
“I’m not that Noah,” explained Noah. “This is my list of animals that have to go on the ark. And I’m not adding in mole cows! They’re too flatulent, plus I’m afraid they’ll try to tunnel out of the ark. No dice!” Noah laid down the book and walked off to decide where he was going to put the 15 pairs of rock-wallabys that God had just dropped off from Australia.
Bob was furious, but Sally, being a crafty Mole Woman, picked up Noah’s notebook, turned to page 47, and scanned the list. She went down the list until she got to “unicorns”, erased that entry, and wrote in “mole’s kine”. The next day, as the ark was loading, Bob and Sally showed up with two mole cows. Noah’s son Shem, who was working the reception desk, opened the ledger to page 47, checked off the entry, and led them to their cabin. Noah, who spent the whole 40 days keeping track of 18 different species of North American pocket gophers, never noticed.
And so the Mole Civilization was saved, thanks to the Mole’s Kine Notebook.
(Spoiler Warning: The story above reveals plot details from the upcoming film Indiana Jones and the Ark of the Mole Cows.)