Break time’s up

While watching TV this evening, I happened upon a commercial that really caught my attention.

Like most people, I am constantly pressed for time.  (Disclaimer: I don’t have a wife and children and a lawn and other things to legitimately consume my time.  No, I am pressed for time because I waste time on things like watching TV commercials and writing about watching TV commercials.)  So whenever I see a new time-saving invention, I immediately perk up.

Like most of you, one of the things that makes me late for appointments, causes me to miss deadlines, and contributes to the half-completed projects in my life is eating candy bars.  Candy bars are a huge time suck, what with the biting* and the chewing and the swallowing.  Who has time for that?

Thankfully, the efficiency experts at Kit Kat are looking out for you.  In their own words, “Now you can take a Kit Kat break, even when you don’t have time for a break!”  The secret: Cut a Kit Kat bar into 16 pieces, wrap each piece individually, and put them in a bag.  And voila!  Kit Kat Minis!  “Poppable, bite-size minis that let you make break time anytime!”

In the modern cutthroat world of business, break time has been shown to be most effective for morale and productivity when it is doled out a dozen seconds at a time,  far too little time for a modern Three Musketeers bar, let alone the Charleston Chews of our parents’ generation.  Studies have shown that up to 93.25% of candy-eating time is spent eating the last 15/16ths of a candy bar.  I myself have had to rush to meetings because I squandered precious seconds eating the last 15/16ths of a fun-size Snickers.  But thanks to Kit-Kat Minis, now I have time to learn a new language, exercise more, and pick up 16 times as many candy wrappers before I run the vacuum cleaner!  (Disclaimer: I have someone come in to run the vacuum cleaner for me.)

Having said that, now it’s back to watching TV.  Time’s a-wastin’!

* One of greatest lines of dialogue in the history of television is this line from Doctor Who: “Biting is excellent.  It’s like kissing, only there’s a winner.” 

† Is a full-size Snickers bar 3 times as much fun?  Or does all the extra nougat and peanuts somehow detract from the total fun quotient?

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