Climbing the food chain to victory

Chaining for food

In competitve food chaining news, the National Academy of Sciences announced the first round pairings for this year’s Tournament of Predators.  The human race has been seeded in the same bracket as pigs, anchovies, and fish.

Humanity secured a #7 seed after back-to-back victories against tuna and sardines.  The human team is made up of competitors from Mongolia, Mauritania, Iceland, and Scandinavia.  “It depends on where you live,” humans coach Bob Feldman told reporters.  He attributed his team’s middle score of 2.0 to 2.6 to a balance of meats and plants they consumed.  “We were hoping to get a higher seed than anchovies, but to be honest, we had a pretty easy schedule this season.  If we had used more technology to take down  animals in higher trophic levels, we’d probably be ranked closer to lions, tigers, and bears.  Oh, well.”

Last year’s Apex Predator, the orcas, again secured a top seed in the Eastern Division after their blowout victory over gray whales (pictured above) this past weekend.

In addition to the killer whales, the other divisional top seeds in the tournament are piranhacondas (South), ice spiders (North), and sharknados (West). Early betting in Vegas puts sharknados (pictured below)  as the favorite this season. This is the sharknados’ first year in the tourney. Ecologists are particularly eager to calculate trophic levels to get a handle on how energy and edibles move through the sharknado ecosystem.


Opening round contests on Thursday include cows vs. polar bears and dinocrocs vs. supergators. Humans are favored against monkeys on Saturday, after officials ruled against the use of mind-controlled robot arms in this year’s competition.

The winner receives the National Academy of Science’s prestigious Trophic Trophy.

(Click on the action shot above to get more scores.)

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