A sullen, dejected Earth went through the motions today after being stood up by a space rock.
The rock in question, which has been going by the name EM26 since 2000, was supposed to go streaking by the Earth, but never showed up, causing no shortage of embarrassment to the scantily-clad planet.
EM26 issued a statement saying that the relationship wasn’t working out. “The Earth just got so clingy. I have my own career delivering the bulk of water and representing building blocks of terrestrial planets. That’s an important part of my life. But Earth didn’t care. Any time I didn’t show up, Earth would get its friends from Slooh observatory to send these creepy robotic telescopes to track me down. But once Earth started calling me a ‘mammoth asteroid’ and trying to get his amateur astronomer friends to find me, that was the last straw! As if they have the authority to name me! Besides, I’m only the size of 3 football fields. Earth has a Mall of America that’s the size of 88 football fields, and you never hear it being called an ‘asteroid’!”
Friends say that EM26 had been broken up over the recent end of its relationship with white dwarf star GD61. The couple (pictured above in an artist impression from an impressionable artist), had been on-again / off-again for months, but were finally torn apart by the star’s strong gravity. Hot and Bright Star Danica McKellar (shown below improving the self-esteem of teenage girls by using math to end relationships) told reporters that the current relationship was doomed from the start. “I think Earth was just a rebound planet.”
Celebrity-rock watchers claim to have seen the giant space rock at a local night spot in the company of white dwarf star Verne Troyer (pictured below). Representatives for EM26, Earth, and Mr. Troyer did not return our calls.
(Click on EM26 to read the juicy details for yourself.)