In recycling news, residents in the state of Indiana are benefiting from a new program that recycles used tornado warnings on sunny days with no severe weather in sight.
A National Weather Service spokesman explained, “One of the big challenges we face here at the National Weather Service is that many weather warnings go unused in areas where tornadoes don’t strike. These extra messages can sit around in warehouses for years. That costs the people of Indiana a lot of money over time.”
Tippecanoe County Sheriff Tracy Brown received two alerts Tuesday. He later confirmed that the cellphone messages had been received in Tyler too.
Some Indianaians were upset that the announcements did not directly relate to fresh weather. Sheriff Brown noticed that the alerts were stamped “Best before 11/17/2013“. NWS officials noted with pride that the alerts were “Made from 100% recycled urgency”.
Tippecanoe Emergency Management Agency Director Smokey Anderson said he and his team don’t know which courageous bureaucrat thought up the conservation program, but was generally pleased with the public reception. “We had several calls to our office when it was happening!”
Anderson did note that this was only a trial run, and that there were still some bugs to work out before the alerts would be available statewide. “None of the county’s 72 outdoor warning sirens activated to tell customers the warnings were available, so some residents didn’t get to participate in this amazing program. We have to be more proactive. It’s important enough that we don’t want people thinking we don’t know what we’re doing.”
Global warming enthusiasts were thrilled with the new program. One climate change groupie, who requested anonymity so people couldn’t find his storm cellar, told reporters, “People tend to dismiss concerns about global warming when they see no evidence of it. This program allows Americans victimized by normal weather to be properly shocked and alarmed by its potential to cause global warming.”
Weather Service meteorologist Gino Izzi said the tornado warning test was issued for Illinois, but that the test did not affect Indiana. “Indianites can react or ignore this as they see fit. Illinoisers, of course, should run for their lives.” He said that the program would be expanded to include other common extreme weather events such as locust plagues, volcano eruptions, and sharknados (shown above) sometime in 2015.
In a statement, Smokey Anderson thanked the people of Indiana for their willingness to participate in the Expanded Alert Program. “Only you can receive tornado warnings.”
(Click on the sharknado picture to find out how you can stay informed.)