A winning smile

A winning smile

In extraterrestrial reality news, the moon Enceladus has been crowned the winner of this season of America’s Next Top Candidate for Life.

The judges were impressed with her Superior Lake size. “It almost seems to touch her silicate core!” commented judge Jonathan Lunine. “Enceladus is a very attractive potential place to look for life.”

Early on, the judges weren’t always this excited about Enceladus.  Originally, she was written off as just one of Saturn’s more than 50 known moons.  In the early rounds, she was considered small, cool, likely inactive, and couldn’t hold an atmosphere.  But during the talent competition, Enceladus wowed the audience with funny jets and a killer Ms. Pacman impression (above) that left the judges in stitches.

After the show, Enceladus told host Tyra Banks that she considers the secret to her success to be the feelings of strong tidal force she got from parent planet Saturn.  “Without Saturn’s gravitational pull encouraging me to rub ice blocks against each other and create water, I never would have been able to create friction and heat and melt ice into water.”

Second place in this season’s competition went to Earth twin Kepler-78b.  Third place, as determined by Twitter spam, was awarded to Lone Signal victim Gliese 526.

The prize includes a modeling contract with Cassini, a photographer most famous for his sexy photos of Saturn. Enceladus said she hopes to one day be discovered by the Kepler Space Telescope.

Update: Shortly after press time, the Kepler Space Telescope announced that it had discovered Enceladus, which will now be called Kepler-60609.

(Click on the victorious Enceladus for more behind-the-scenes scoop.)

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