In cosmic crimefighting news, nefarious space villain The Wiggle is once again terrorizing the universe.
The observations were captured by the Hubble Space Telescope, NASA’s Chandra X-ray observatory*, and the Viewing League of America (VLA) Fortress of Seeing**.
Emissions have been felt across the electromagnetic spectrum after heroic scientists detected “elongated jets of material as bright as radio” spanning four galactic clusters.
The Unusual Wiggle (pictured above) was found sitting on galactic cluster 3745, threatening the peace-loving aliens of galactic cluster J0717. No one has heard from the J0717ians since the attack began.
“The complex shape of this region is unique; we’ve never spotted anything like this before,” said Reinout van Weeren (The
Incomprehensible Incomparable Einstein Fellow). van Weeren made a point of restating the definition of “unique” for reporters.
Although astronomers don’t yet fully understand what they are witnessing, climate change astrologers announced that it is definitely caused by global warming.
Miranda Johnson (The Alliterative Magenta Maiden) located the Wiggle’s Red Structure lair using her Crayon of Color†, according to reports from her Pink Palace somewhere inside Mrs. Marino’s art class.
The collision occurred in the MACS (Mysterious Alien Colliding Space) zone, a mere 5 billion light years away. NASA’s Extremely Early Response Team (EERT), concerned about the threat of monstrous shock waves, raised their alert state to Intergalactic Medium, and activated the protective EERT cloud surrounding the solar system.
The Wiggle is threatening continued complex violence unless the Earth turns over a stunning composite image of the phenomenon. One Agent of EERT, who requested anonymity because he died three issues earlier and will be retconned into the story at a later date, described the Wiggle’s ultimatum as “graphic, novel even. But a lot of people around the office are writing it off as a ‘comic’ issue”.
In an interview with intrepid reporter Hubble “Frontier” Fields of the Discovery News and Unprecedented Detail website, the VLA’s Karl G. Jansky said the patch of sky will continue to be studied to obtain the deepest ever observations of The Cosmos.††
* As told in Chandra X-Ray and the X-Ray Men issue #27, “NASA Nightmare”
** See Viewing League of America issue #142, “Slamming of the Four (yes, four!) Galactic Clusters”, on sale now.
† Last seen in “Fuchsia Fury”, Magenta Maiden/Pink Hulk crossover issue #1.
†† For years it has been rumored that Karl Jansky and the deep observer known as The Cosmos are one and the same, because when The Cosmos appears, Jansky never seems to be around.
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Spoiler Alert: This article contains plot details for the upcoming film Viewing League of America: Age of Wiggle.
Editor’s Note: An earlier version of this article indicating an attack on galactic cluster LILO-Γ was inaccurate and has been retracted. The author was holding the VLA press release upside-down. We regret the error, and offer our sincere apology to the LILO Gammans.