A cookie for my thoughts

I had a particularly challenging code bug to work on today.  As is often the case, I blamed it on elves.

Not the kind of elves you’re thinking of.  These are not those kinds of elves.  The elves I’m talking about are more like gremlins, the weird little creatures that damage WWII fighters and freak out William Shatner if you feed them after midnight.  Only with software.

You’re thinking of one of the other kinds of elves.  There are three main kinds of elves: elves that bake cookies, elves that make toys for Christmas, and elves that fight orcs. 

Unfortunately, that got me thinking.  What if there were a kind of elf that makes Christmas cookies for orcs?  (Disclaimer: Yes, I actually thought this.)

So naturally, my next thought was, “What kind of cookies would elves make for orcs?”  (Disclaimer: There is nothing natural about this thought.  Even I can tell that.)

The obvious answer is, of course, orcerdoodles.

Unless you have coconut handy.  Then you can make orcaroons.

But if you don’t have time to bake, you can always buy Orceos.

Or, if you’re on a budget, Uruk-haidrox.

Author’s note: I have needed to get this out of my head all day.  The only way I know to do that is to transfer it to you.  I regret the inconvenience.  To misquote TV spokesagent Samuel L. Fury, “What’s in your imagination?”

Author’s other note: The above post contains numerous stereotypes that might be offensive to the Elvish-American community.  I don’t care.  They keep messing up my code.  If they don’t like it, they can go back to their hollow trees at the North Pole of Middle-Earth.

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2 thoughts on “A cookie for my thoughts

  1. I don’t know, it seems natural enough that orcs have to get their cookies from somewhere. Granted it’s probably most easy to buy cookies at Quik-Chek, but they might be trying to pay with a debit card or something difficult like that.

  2. It’s not elves, it’s weasels, as in Engine Weasels. They’re branching out. Used to be they just crawled under your hood and fucked up your plans to buy food and pay rent for a month. Now, they’re syndicated. They’re responsible for all empty toilet paper rolls, overdraft charges, and mysteriously tight pants. It was only a matter of time till they crawled into code.

    You’re just lucky I didn’t have any coffee to choke on when I read “orcerdoodles” or I would’ve had to send some of my weasels on a field trip into your clothes closet.

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