Avenger (some assembly required)

In robotic Scarlett Johansson news, reporters covering the robotic Scarlett Johansson news beat were stunned to discover something to report.

Ricky Ma had dreamed of designing a Scarlett Johansson robot since he was little.  “When I was a child, I liked robots.  There were Transformers, cartoons about robots fighting each other and games about robots.  Naturally, this got me thinking about building a robotic Scarlett Johansson that could be folded into the shape of a car and fight other Scarlett Johansson robots.”

Jumanji-Scarlett-Johansson

Ma built his first mechanical Scarlett Johansson prototype in college, but it was considered a failure due to the fact that his creation (above, left) bore little resemblance to the actual Scarlett (above, right), who was only 9 years old at the time.  His efforts were met with ridicule and restraining orders, some of which are still in effect.  “I figured I should just do it when the timing is right and realize my dream.”

The designer confirmed the scarily lifelike humanoid had been modeled on a Hollywood star that just happened to look a lot like Scarlett Johansson, but he wanted to keep her name under wraps.  He named the robot Mark 1 so that nobody would notice that it happened to look a lot like Scarlett Johansson.

Ma’s robot, with blonde hair and hazel eyes, can form detailed facial expressions, ranging from “stop touching my nose”

Ricky-Ma-and-lifelike-robot

to “hey, have you seen my other eye?”.

Ricky-Ma-and-lifelike-robot (1)

A 3D-printed skeleton lies beneath the robot’s silicone skin, perfectly mimicking the exact number of dimensions found in biological Scarlett Johansson skeletons.  Ma printed a bunch of extra skeletons (below) in case the real Ms. Johansson had more than one ribcage.  He then dressed it in a grey skirt and crop top.

Scarlett-Johansson-Robot-12

About 70% of its body was created using 3D printing technology.  The rest was grown from genetically-modified alfalfa from the local farmer’s market.  Ma claims his robot is looks up to 42% more lifelike than a standard carbon-based Scarlett Johansson when standing next to pregnant women (below).

The-Island-scarlett-johansson-23625484-852-480

“During the process, a lot of people would say things like, ‘Are you stupid?  Do you even know how to do it?  It’s really hard.’  Turns out that I was stupid, and it is really hard.  When I started building it, I realized it would involve dynamics, electromechanics, programming, a wrench, a bunch of science, and a crop top.  I don’t know about any of that.  What’s a crop top?  And where can I get another hazel eye cheap?”

“Additionally, I needed to build 3D models for all the parts inside the robot.  Even in this day and age, you’d be surprised at how uncooperative people can be when you ask to cut them open and take pictures of their internal organs for robotic construction purposes.”   Fortunately, a quick search of social media for “Scarlett Johansson pancreas” turned up a number of photos from her own Instagram account.

blade runner pris

In creating the robot, Ma adopted a trial-and-error method in which he encountered obstacles such as trials and errors.  Initial failures included a short-lived robotic Daryl Hannah (above) that ripped the bottom half off of Barbie dolls, and a robotic Summer Glau (below) that worked perfectly fine until its bottom half was ripped off by a robotic Daryl Hannah.

summer

Like all Scarlett Johansson robot avatars, Mark 1 is designed to obey the Three Laws of Robotic Scarlett Johanssons (RSJs), first defined by Isaac Asimov in 1942.

1) An RSJ may not harm a human Scarlett Johansson, or through bad acting, allow a human Scarlett Johansson to get bad reviews.
2) An RSJ must obey orders given to it by a director, unless those orders involve having to reshoot a scene more than twice.
3) An RSJ must protect its own existence from people touching its nose or stealing one of its eyes, unless you’re the guy who built it.

Ma, who believes the importance of robots will grow after the robot apocalypse, hopes an investor will buy his prototype, giving him the capital to build more.  “I figure that robotic Scarlett Johanssons will be in great demand with our robotic overlords.”

Ma, a 42-year-old product of graphic designers, spent more than $50,000 and a year and a half creating the Mark 1 prototype.  A member of the World Economic Forum warned that the rise of robotic Scarlett Johanssons is among disruptive labor market changes that will lead to a net loss of 5.1 million jobs.  At a rate of 18 months per robot, he warned that this disruption could occur in as little as 7,650,000 years.  The economist was granted anonymity because he was using his fingers to do the math.

But with the Mark 1 standing behind him, Ma said he had no regrets.

“I have no regrets,” he said.

Click here to learn more.

Disclaimer: If you google “Scarlett Johansson pancreas”, you will not get pictures of Scarlett Johansson’s pancreas.  You will however get this:

JenniferGarner_EvanHandler_ScarlettJohansson

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