Quality communications

I’m always amused when I call some customer service place, and they start the conversation with “This call may be recorded for quality purposes.”  Since the quality of customer service never seems to improve, I assume that it is the quality of my requests that is being studied.  “Listen carefully, and you can tell riiiiight… there… that he didn’t explicitly decline the Platinum Package.  That’s just a rookie mistake that will cost him $99 a month until he’s dead.”

So I’m driving to work this morning, and my car rings.  My cell phone is connected to my car via Bluetooth, so it feels very high-tech to me when I can answer the phone with my car.  (Disclaimer: I’m old, and I still think this is cool.  Leave me alone.)  The following is the entirety of the conversation.

Me: Hello?

Synthetic voice on the other end: You have reached an invalid extension.  Please hang up and try your call again. <click>

I really wish I had recorded the call for quality purposes.  I have no idea what I did wrong.

Disclaimer: Yes, I really want to do this to someone else.

Cold caller in a pickle

A telemarketer for some outfit that calls me a lot at home while I’m at work just told me, “You’re harder to get to than the last pickle in a pickle jar.”   And then tried to ask me for money.   Possibly to buy a fork.   Or maybe to pay for finger lengthening surgery.

I explained to her that if you pour out the pickle juice, you can turn the jar upside down, and the pickle will just fall into your hand.

Good deed for the day: done!

Disclaimer: Don’t pour pickle juice down the drain.   It will combine with all the bacon grease down there and result in global warming.

Editor’s Note: When I searched online for a picture of a “pickle jar”, I got the image above.  I believe it is a pickle urn, in case your pickle drowns in brine before you can get to it, and you want to keep its ashes on the mantle as a tribute.