In dark arts and sciences news, a group of researchers in England have created the coolest and most unnecessarily dark substance ever.
The material, known as Vantablack (Very Amazing New and Totally Awesome black), was described by patrons at the Optics Express kiosk at the mall as “really blackety-black”. It works by taking really thin carbon drinking straws and gluing them to aluminum foil. Light gets stuck between the tiny straws and is absorbed.*
Vantablack is so dark that the human eye cannot understand what it is seeing, and wanders off in search of simpler colors to look at, like periwinkle and burnt sienna. It absorbs 99.965% of the light that hits it, setting a new world record for the blackest thing. The previous record was set by Jack Black and Black Manta at a Clint Black/Black Eyed Peas concert in Blacksburg, Virginia in 2002.