Killing one bird with one stone

Hey, have you heard? James Taylor is going to buy wife Carly Simon a mockingbird. Yep, a mockingbird. Not a turtledove, not a French hen, not even a stinkin’ partridge. Heck, even a canary would be helpful next time the missus heads into a coal mine. But a mockingbird? What is he thinking?

Wait… she seems unusually excited about this gift. I wonder why?

Oh, if the mockingbird doesn’t sing, she gets a diamond ring as a consolation prize. No wonder she’s thrilled! I give it three days (maybe less) before this bird is pining for the fjords, if you catch my meaning.

But be warned, Jim, if you don’t get an especially shiny diamond ring, Carly’s going to be heartbroken. I suggest you take her with you to the jeweler and let her pick out her own ring. After all, you clearly don’t have any idea what kind of gifts your wife would appreciate, and your last screw-up cost an innocent mockingbird its life. Next time, don’t let her know about the backup plan! She might have been satisfied with the bird.

And Carly, for Pete’s sake, make a list next year!

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