In scientific discipline news, a 10-year old has issued a formal apology for accidentally creating a new molecule. Ten-year old Clara Lazen claimed responsibility for discovering tetranitratoxycarbon, a molecule constructed, obviously, of tetra, nitra, toxy, and carbon. “I didn’t mean … Continue reading
Have you ever gone to the grocery store for just ketchup, and walked out with green beans, carrots, asparagus, fruit cocktail, a prescription refill, and no ketchup?
Have you ever gone back to the grocery store an hour later to get ketchup, and walked out with Parmesan cheese, trail mix, and no ketchup?
You can help.
Please give to the American Ketchup Amnesia Society.
Because a hamburger is a terrible thing to garnish with fruit cocktail and trail mix.
In Sinochromatic news, the Chinese government announced a new initiative to bring color to the formerly black-and-white country. Commuters across Beijing cloaked themselves in a thick, gray haze and ordered the elderly and schoolchildren to stay indoors as the government began … Continue reading
In really old radiation news, a flash of invisible light in the constellation Leo 3,600,000,000 years ago has astrophysicists all worked up again. “We were just about to give up and go be astrologers, when we suddenly saw a gamma-ray … Continue reading
In feline primatology news, cat researchers have determined that your human sees cats as small, furry humans. Professor Gadget McWhiskers of the Siamese Institute in Persia, who spent two years embedded with a human colony, or “family”, discovered that many … Continue reading
In temporal diplomacy news, the Future issued a formal apology for sending time travelers to the present without even leaving a note. “We’re really sorry about not calling while we were in the century, but it will be a zoo around … Continue reading
In space orthopedics, images from the Chandra X-ray Observatory have diagnosed the first known case of intergalactic carpal tunnel syndrome (CTS). The new image shows a condition known as pareidolia, or pulsar wind nebula, a particularly painful type of CTS caused by repeatedly grabbing … Continue reading
(Warning: The following post contains experiences which may be too intense for some audiences. Reader discretion is advised.) There’s a scene in the classic Marx Brothers movie Animal Crackers where Chico Marx is sitting playing the piano while Groucho sits … Continue reading
In vortex news, the National Weather Service has traced the cause of recent unseasonably cold weather to the inadvertant creation of a portal into a frigid hell dimension. The inter-dimensional gateway, a spinning circle of ice in the Sheyenne River … Continue reading
Once upon a time, there were three little girls who went to Juilliard. And they were each assigned very hazardous roles. But I took them away from all that, and now they work for me. My name is Charlie. The … Continue reading
A Labor of Like 