In weaponized weather news, scientists announced the first successful deployment of their heavy snow artillery, after a test of the 40-foot snowball was conducted in the quad of Reed Richards University in Southeast Portland, Oregon. The projectile (shown above) consisted of … Continue reading
In psychohistory news, neuroscientists claim to be able to predict future catastrophes using only monkeys and math. At the University of Sussex in England, a group of professors, psychologists, and physicists published a paper proposing a possible prognostication paradigm that … Continue reading
In ape news, an unruly Dallas silverback is being deported to South Carolina. Patrick, 23, is being sent to solitary confinement after a series of incidents involving other gorillas at the Dallas Zoo. Patrick has spent the last 18 years in … Continue reading
Dateline: Emmen, Netherlands — Just weeks after baboon attacks in Cape Town, South Africa, another terrorist monkey cell has been uncovered in Holland. The group, believed to be a militant wing of the ape separatist group Netherlands Primate Revolution (NPR), … Continue reading
In science-that-sounded-good-on-paper news, researchers at the Harvard University Center for Brain Studies (CBS) have developed a huge machine that can control rat tails most of the time. Building off early research at the Hamelin Institute for Pie and Piping Innovation … Continue reading
Dateline: Cape Town, South Africa – As horrified onlookers looked on in horror, an army of highly-trained combat baboons stormed through the city this past weekend. The baboons, using tactics learned from the SAS (Simian Attack Squad, a known baboon … Continue reading
When your dog is forced to watch fake paranormal investigator shows, he gets bored. When he gets bored, he forces you to take him for a walk. When you take him for a walk, you end up at the monkey … Continue reading
One of the few ideas worse than giving superpowers to nerds is giving monkeys mind control powers. Another is giving monkeys mind control power over robots. For every cute and cuddly chimpanzee or Touchdown Monkey you might encounter (Disclaimer: chimps … Continue reading
A Labor of Like 