M&Ms (Mars & Maybes)

M&Ms (Mars & Maybes)

In theory news, a Florida biochemist claimed humans are from Mars after discovering a huge concentration of Maybe in a rock.

Dr. Steven Benner was on a “conference” boondoggle in Italy when he announced that Maybe life on Earth originated on Mars. The audience of geophysicists were visibly thrilled at the discovery of so much Maybe, a key component of scientific theories.

Earlier speculation that life on this planet was seeded by microbial life from the Red Planet has met with skepticism, largely related to the fact that there is no life on Mars today. The announcement of such a large new cache of Maybe will allow scientists to make statements about the distant past and other planets without ever going there.

“We’ve had this rock for a while,” explained a spokesman for The Westheimer Institute for Science and Technology (TWIST). “Close study of this rock revealed that its chemical makeup (carbon, oxygen, iron, etc.) had many of the same elements found by NASA probes on the surface of Mars. With the discovery of a rich vein of Maybe at the center, we were able to determine that Maybe the rock was a meteorite from Mars.”

But this was only the beginning of the scientfic method. Science is a fact-based discipline. Estimates show that life began 3,000,000,000 years ago, but scientists so far have been unable to get any 3 billion year-old eyewitnesses to testify, either here or on Mars. Also, scientists have never been able to create life, or witness its creation, and are unsure exactly where life comes from. This requires them to depend on more concrete evidence.

Benner explains: “Analysis of a Martian meteorite recently showed that there was boron on Mars.” As most of us learned in school, the ancient Greeks discovered the four basic elements — Air, Fire, Water, and Earth Mars. As explained in the 1997 Bruce Willis movie of the same name, boron is The Fifth Element necessary for life. The discovery of boron on Mars means that Maybe life could have existed on Mars, and Maybe it was 3 billion years ago.

Given this, Maybe the only thing life would need to get itself created would be oxidized (rusty) molybdenum. Having verified the presence of boron in the meteorite, Benner stated “we now believe that [Maybe] the oxidized form of molybdenum was there too”.  He later suggested to reporters that Maybe Mars was red because of all the rusted molybdenum laying around.

Benner demonstrated this scientific principle with a simple analogy. He held up a piece of sandstone and a gold necklace. He explained that there was no gold in the sandstone, and yet there was gold on Earth. In the same way, there was no molybdenum in the meteorite, so Maybe there was molybdenum on Mars.*  And if it was 3 billion years old, Maybe it was rusty enough to have created life.

From there, Maybe makes the rest of the theory easy. Maybe Earth was covered with water (Gen 1:9). Legends tell us that some life (fat-tailed mouse opossums, rock-wallabys, pocket gophers) can’t live in water, so Maybe there was no life on Earth. Maybe Mars was drier. And Maybe Martian life was thirsty, and hopped a meteor to Earth.

A spokesman for the Maybe Institute of Technology (MIT) in Cambridge called Benner’s paper the greatest example of applied Maybe since Scottish mathematicians announced that Maybe aliens are sending invisible replicating robotic space probes to Earth.

Click here to learn more about the properties and history of Maybe.

* Geophysicists have used this methodology to detect deposits of kryptonite, dilithium, and flubber on Mars, based on their absence from meteorite samples.

(Click the picture to read the original article.)

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40 thoughts on “M&Ms (Mars & Maybes)

  1. Pingback: Star Gazing | Thestarvingartist

  2. I have been around for 67 years and have heard all sorts of stuff. Next someone is going to find out that the moon is really made up of cheese,probably swiss because of the holes, and if we colonize the orb we can sell the rights to Kraft.

  3. It seems that it’s easier for lots of us to look for a far-away planets and discuss how the life appeared and what would be in the future, rather then look inside yourself …

  4. Life itself is made up of a large percentage of MAYBE. Maybe sustains us until tomorrow, but it also keeps us from thriving. What is this “maybe” stuff.

  5. “The audience of geophysicists were visibly thrilled at the discovery of so much Maybe, a key component of scientific theories.”

    As a scientist who has dabbled in theory (much to the ire of the scientific community, an unfalsifiable, incommensurable, empirically complete and consistent theory)—and who knows Steve through direct contact at origins meetings, I LOL’d big at this, and the continued use of Maybe throughout.

    So true, so true. Scientists have long stopped looking for the truth about life and reality and are now all about great stories, posturing, and, well, the Maybe (it could have happened this way…; if these ideas are right, then…; what might have started as xxx would have become yyy…; and so on, ad infinitum.)

    Thanks. You’ve got a new follower. 🙂

    Peace on Earth, Ik

    • Erik,

      Thanks for your kind words. You are welcome to reblog this if you know others who would get a laugh. And if you encounter Dr. Benner, please assure him that I meant no personal insult, and thank him for his contribution of source material.

      Share and enjoy,
      John

      • Thanks John. Cred where cred’s due, with shoutout all the way, bro.

        As for Steve, he’s a think-skinned, string-minded, and closed-spoken “leader” of the theoretical community of life scientists, so no worries about your satirical piece, which hits so many points of truth that I dare not list them all here for fear of arrest by the satire police.

        Still, I will tell him, when I see him next, that your work was a written bludgeon of pain, a sheer affront to ego, and the nadir of humankind’s intellectual progress. 😉

        Peace, Ik

  6. Reblogged this on Anacephalaeosis and commented:
    This piece, written by one John, is a stunningly fantastic satire of Dr. Steven Bennner’s recent untestable claim that life on Earth originated (and hence came from) Mars. This piece was featured on yesterday’s/today’s Freshly Pressed. I enjoyed it because John sheds light on how silly modern scientific theories are today, replete with “Maybe.”

  7. Love the “Maybe” rock…. LOL. Reminds me of when I taught 4th graders….. everything the said was “what if” and the answer usually had a “Maybe” stuffed in there somewhere. Well, the parts I could concentrate on were enjoyable, but the headache unfortunately butted in before I finished. 😀

  8. Pingback: M&Ms (Mars & Maybes) | endlesswanderer1

  9. Science lacks proof for our History through our known past ,
    so your Idea may not be to far off to be possible or lets say maybe our Ancient s where already able to travel our Solar System which would include Mars .

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