(Note: This is part 2 of a longer story. Parts 1, 3, and 4 are here, here, and here.)
A few weeks ago I went to the doctor about something called “trigger finger”. He gave me an extremely painful shot of corticosteroids to fix the problem. Unfortunately, it gave out after about a month. Now I have to decide the next step, so I’m doing what I never do in situations like this: making a list of the pros and cons of each option.
Option 1: More shots
Pros: works for a while
Cons: extremely painful; not a permanent solution
Option 2: Hand surgery
Pros: one-time fix; short recovery time; less painful than steroid shots
Cons: temporary loss of use of right hand; scar could be mistaken for stigmata
Option 3: Handectomy – replace with hook
Pros: Makes great back scratcher; hooks (like bowties and fezzes) are cool
Cons: Harder to type using hunt-and-hook system; modern piracy 85% less romantic than pirate movies; high potential for accidental scratches to self, friends and paint jobs
Option 4: Handectomy – replace with bionic hand
Pros: Optional features (laser pointer, extra fingers, cup warmer)
Cons: Stuff (cups, hands, etc.) accidentally crushed at first; not covered by insurance; may require term of service in secret government organization
Option 5: Hand transplant
Pros: Eliminates crushing and hooking problems (see above); provides more natural look and feel
Cons: Unsightly wrist scar requires ugly bracelet or tattoo to cover; hand donor pool made up of 64% serial killers, 36% thieves; 92% of donated hands eventually turn rogue and kill or steal again
A Labor of Like 