Fortune favors the Swift

In pop geopolitical news, a study released by the Fortune Institute for Ranking Great Leadership has named singer Taylor Swift the greatest female leader.

The timing of the announcement is curious, coming two days before Pope Francis called for multilateral talks among leaders of the Fortune 6 Great Powers (Apple, the European Bank, China, the Vatican, India, and Taylor Swift) to discuss rising tensions between Ms. Swift and neighboring India.  Indian prime minister Narendra Modi has expressed alarm at the sudden rise in greatness of Taylor Swift and concern that her combination of power and great leadership could be felt as far away as Beijing and Cupertino by next year. India has been conducting military exercises along its border with Taylor Swift.

The United Nations has downplayed the power of Taylor Swift (above), once thought to be limited making her eyes glow and talking to sea turtles.  However, the discovery of great leadership from the singer, who celebrated the 25th anniversary of her founding in December, became clear after she successfully crossed swords with Spotify.

Author’s Note: I’m pretty sure Spotify is a gentle shampoo for getting tough stains out of Dalmatians and leopards.  I’m not sure why a great leader like Taylor Swift would spend time fencing with it.

triciahelfer

Swift came in at number six on the overall list.  In past years, Cylon Tricia Helfer and Prisoner Patrick McGoohan have also held the role of Number 6.  In a press statement, Ms. Helfer (above) praised the decision.  “As a tall, hot blonde with glowing eyes, I am gratified to see Fortune recognize the great leadership of tall, hot blondes with glowing eyes, some of whom have been leading men on for years!”

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With great Taylor comes…what?

This morning, as I was walking through Barnes & Noble, I passed the magazine section, and happened to notice this cover for Time Magazine.  I know who Taylor Swift is — sort of.  I’m pretty sure she’s either a singer I’ve never heard (i.e. anyone who became famous after 2010) or the star of a CW show I’ve never seen (i.e. any CW show other than The Flash).  I’m vaguely aware that she’s younger and taller than she looks, but I don’t know why I know that.

Still, in spite of my vast knowledge (which runs the gamut from A to lower case a), I’m intrigued by the concept of “The Power of Taylor Swift”?  What is it?

  • Is it an attribute of Ms. Swift herself?  (“The power of Taylor Swift is derived from a corbomite quantum cell in her medulla oblongata, which is why her eyes do that glowing white ring thing.”)
  • Or is it a thing superheroes can do, like invisibility?  (“After being exposed to cosmic radiation, Brandi suddenly developed the powers of telepathy, Taylor Swift, and telekinesis, which is why her eyes do that glowing white ring thing.”)
  • Or is it a benchmark for comparison purposes?  (“The 2015 Lexus combines the sleek lines of a sports car with the power of Taylor Swift.  Just one test drive and your eyes will do that glowing white ring thing.”)

Or is this just one of those things that man was not meant to know?

Update: Those glowing white rings in her eyes remind me of this:

Aquaman11

I’m now certain that the power of Taylor Swift has something to do with seafood.

Update 2: Mystery solved below.

I’m not gonna do what I’m doing

As I was coming home from work today, I (as usual) had the radio on, and I heard the 2007 song “Love Song” by Sara Barielles (played by Kelly Clarkson). As I sat in traffic, I started thinking about the lyrics (always a big mistake), and I’ve decided to add this to my list of decade-defining dysfunctional relationship songs (along with The Pina Colada Song and Breakfast at Tiffany’s).

Young Sara (Taylor Swift) is having a rough day. Ever since she was a little girl (Demi Lovato), she’s dreamed of being a mermaid (merperson? person of mer?). But this morning she found out that her mermaid audition was a complete flop because, in the words of the interviewer, she wasn’t “gilly enough”. (Even she knew that, but a girl can dream!) Continue reading