Guys, what’s something that’s deep and blue?

If “The Piña Colada Song” was the anthem for dysfunctional relationships of the 80’s, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” by Deep Blue Something might be the anthem for dysfunctional relationships in the 90’s. A few things I noticed on the way to work:

1) If the most logical reason she gives for the breakup is that “our lives have come between us”, she’s not even trying any more. Forget “Oh, it’s you.” She’s already found someone else to enjoy liquids with.

2) It is possible to find relationships based on an Audrey Hepburn movie from 44 years earlier. To wit:

– Gene Siskel & Roger Ebert
– Audrey Hepburn & the guy from “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”
– that other couple (Note to self: find a third example before posting this)

However, when she doesn’t remember seeing the movie, let alone that she gave it 2 1/2 stars, you have to consider the possibility that you imagined the whole evening, and she’s just humoring you. Ask what she had for dessert that night as a control question.

3) I’d like to say that he subconsciously knows the relationship is ending, but there’s pretty much nothing subconscious about “I know you just don’t care”.

4) When your counter-arguments have been reduced to “I hate when things are over”, you’re more likely to get a restraining order than a change of heart.

I think there’s a life lesson here. Don’t spend all your weekends having catered brunches downtown with your friends. And maybe buy her a mockingbird. I hear girls really go for that.

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